A Night of Highlights

[massiveheadwoundharry]

Like in Brandon Gillis' hair during the Katie Myer era, the highlights were abundant last night at the old NIC. Whether it was Shane Chalker's 'Sedin Sisters' drop pass on a breakaway, or Shawn Swanson spearing a midget (literally) player in the face, or the team's funny game of keep-away that had Mike Morrison asking, "Can I play too guys?", the highlight of the night that had the fans cheering and hiding their heads in shame, had to be Brad Lytle's inexplicable 100 yard dash in reverse during one of the most hotly anticipated fights of the century. Lytle made his presence felt early and often, dropping balls and generally getting in the way throughout the game.

But without warning Lytle exploded with a goal so crafty even he didn't know he scored it and a fight so awkward it had fans wondering what exactly they were watching. It was part WWE and part Barnum Bailey that had the crowd begging for anyone to land a punch and put an end to this silliness. After backpedalling from the crease to the center of the floor, constantly adjusting his hair, limbering up, and going over the ground-rules with his combatant (no punches to the face was clearly in effect), Lytle did what all good scrappers do, grabbed ahold of the jersey and jerked his body around spazmodically like a boy in an epiliptic seizure, deftly avoiding punches and eye-contact with his pony-tailed assailant. After Brad decided that he wasn't going to actually throw any punches this particular fight, the horse-maned North Shore tough guy got even tougher by giving Bad Brad a free shot. Lytle sprung into action and landed his hardest pitty pat caress that would have even the most insecure whore asking, 'Is that the best bitch slap you got boy?" After that no-holds-barred bloodfest the two warriors high-fived and embraced. For a long time. Finally the refs had to step in and break it up. It was getting quite uncomfortable for everyone in the arena.

You asked if adding Bad Brad Lytle to the roster was going to have an impact? Well if you call scoring great goals, putting the fear of God into the other team, and putting butts in the seats is an impact, then yes, you could say he would.

[ashy larry]

Couldn't have described it better if I was using video replay.

After the fight, Brad and his combatant had a solid 5 minute talk about life, love, and loss in the penalty box. They have since become best of friends and even like to write notes on each others facebook walls. Rumour has it that after these important discussions and with a little support from his new bff, Lytle decided that he would propose to his beloved baby-mamma Heather. Luckily the inlaws were watching the Habs game and didn't witness the big event, or they would never give their blessing. At any rate, congrats to Brad and Heather.

[Toshiba Kawasaki]

Is the engagement legally binding if the asker has a mild concussion from eating punches and combing his hair excessively?